#1. You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.(Joan Rivers)
#2.The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.(Quentin Crisp)
#3. I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. (Steven Wright)
#4. Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.(Bob Hope)
#5. If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library. (Lily Tomlin)
#6. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. (Bob Hope)
#7. A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones. (Cher)
#8. A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.(Fred Allen)
#9. If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to? (Bette Midler)
#10. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. (Joan Rivers)
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